James Alexander Francis Elson

James - Slim Jim The Fastest Man Alive, to his friends - lives somewhere in London. His job used to consist of playing games. All day. Every day. And getting paid for it.

Soon afterwards, in a new role, James worked in Soho with virgins, or something. This is no longer the case, although he still falls asleep on the train home and consequently wakes up in completely the wrong place.

James is currently trying to reconcile his girlfriend's absence (she lives in Holland or Ireland or somewhere) with his own powerful hormonal urges.